love the way you smile (:

That's all I can FEEL now

Monday, March 23, 20096:41:00 PM

This is what I am feeling now.
Seems like this song SAYS it ALL

The Show by Lenka
I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

Slow it down
Make it stop
Or else my heart is going to pop
'Cause it's too much
Yeah, it's a lot
To be something I'm not

I'm a fool
Out of love
'Cause I just can't get enough

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

The sun is hot
In the sky
Just like a giant spotlight
The people follow the sign
And synchronize in time
It's a joke
Nobody knows
They've got a ticket to that show
Yeah

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

Just enjoy the show

I'm just a little bit caught in the middle
Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I dont know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why

I'm just a little girl lost in the moment
I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go
And just enjoy the show

dum de dum
dudum de dum

Just enjoy the show

dum de dum
dudum de dum

Just enjoy the show

I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
Just enjoy the show

I want my money back
I want my money back
I want my money back
Just enjoy the show

I totally AGREE with these TWO sentences

"Life is a maze and love is a riddle
I don't know where to go I can't do it alone I've tried
And I don't know why"

"I'm so scared but I don't show it
I can't figure it out
It's bringing me down I know
I've got to let it go"

Sometimes.
I wish everything can just end when I want it
I wish I cant feel anything
I wish I dun have feelings
Then I wont know when it HURTS
I want to let go.
I dun want to hold on.
I will let it GO.
Feelings HURT
I wish I knew What to do?

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FALSE HOPE.

Saturday, March 21, 20091:52:00 AM

TODAY was AWESOME
had the IGNITE CONCERT!!
It was GREAT!!
I REALLY SCREAMED my lungs and HEART out!
God heals
DO SOMETHING!!
is what i am planning to do!!
HHAHAHHA
My legs, hands, fingers, arms and toes
HURT for all the JUMPING and GOING CRAZY
But my hunger is still THERE
I HUNGER FOR MORE!!

I am sick and tired of everything
if u really hate me that much
then go on hating me
I will TRY my very best not to CARE
U dun have to be so COLD rite?
I really dun UNDERSTAND?
What is worst?
STRANGERS
It seems like that.
All I wish is a friendship.
I dun ask for anything more.
I think i DUN want to.
BUT are u making things so difficult?
why cant u just fulfill this SIMPLE wish of MINE
I hate being hang at some POINT
where u have no idea what is going on?
It will make my little BRAIN think alot
But you just love doing that to me
maybe it is unknowingly
BUT it is very ARGH
you are like a tore page of a fairytale storybook.
so PERFECT and COMPLETE
Yet u are tore my ideal dreams and ENDINGs
I thought u were different.
But why?
Are u just so HAPPY disappointing me
AGAIN and AGAIN?
Why must you do that?
Am I that hard*
Why must you be so COLD?
I tried my BEST to *so INTERESTING and HAPPY
I tried my BEST.
But you are just SLAPPING my face
and saying it is not ENOUGH
I took my CHANCES.
I tried my BEST.
I lower my HOPE.
I wish for the BEST.
You make me SMILE.
But you make me FROWN.
I asked EVERYTHING I can.
You only exist in FAIRYTALES
Which do not even EXIST.
You are PERFECT in my eyes
But I seem to be like NOTHING to you
not EVEN a FRIEND
just a STRANGER
not even a HAHAHA or (:
just BLANK
do u know how much I hate BLANKS?
My brain will always fill in the BLANKS for me
Stop making me HAPPY for nothing
FALSE HOPE

WHY?
that stare
I finally make up my mind
I am going to end THIS
I will not hold back like i always do
I will not say I cant BEAR to
Cause now.
I can BEAR.
I want to let YOU go.
Erase you from ME
Just GO AWAY

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Relief

Sunday, March 15, 200911:15:00 PM

YES the AWESOME WEEKENDS is OVER.
I am still in a ULTRA PANIC-ING MOOD
Cause I just finish my Physics online project.
OH MAN
HAD to rush for it within 28mins
to be EXACT.
I was like type type type!!
transfer transfer
I am going NUTS
so in the end
I send it in like 30 mins LATE
but nevermind
At least we did it
NOT SO BAD
We are supposed to do it groups of SIX?
Now we are doing in groups of 2
WE just couldn't contact the REST
WHAT??
HAHAHAHHAA

Let's not talk about THAT
My parents came back from MALAYSIA
which means today NIGHT.
is the END of my relaxing and AWESOME weekend
But I am sure I enjoy this WEEKEND!!
I enjoyed EVERY SINGLE BIT of it

I told myself
to wipe off all WORRIES and PROBLEMS
and just enjoy this WEEK
cause i never know when will I have such a privilege
to come on SAT(the whole thing) and SUNDAY
Although I KNOW God will plan this AGAIN
I think God wanted me to just let go off everything
cause this week was TERRIBLE
I was pretty overwhelmed with TONS of things
Also, quite drained spiritually, mentally and emotionally.
there are just so many problems attacking me in all DIRECTIONS
PLUS my ENG tuition TOO.
OH MAN
I really dunno.
I am just going to LET God decide for me
I am tired of CRACKING my LITTLE brain cells thinking.
PART of my emotional problem was SOLVED on SAT
AWESOME before I went church
PRAISE GOD!!
I was so relieved after that

RESULTS I DUN EVEN WANT TO THINK OF it
It is the WORST in my 4 years of secondary SCHOOL
PGA STUFF is starting to pile up.
must start preparing my speech
study on Singapore and Guides history
AHH
and BLAH BLAH

I must say I REALLY REALLY ENJOYED this weekend
although I had to RUSH from place to place on FRI
just to get this AWESOME SAT AND SUN
It is really WORTH IT.
SAT.
I got to WORSHIP with my heart and SOUL
OH MAN
That feeling is so GREAT!!
I really HUNGER for MORE.
I am really always popping in between worships and everything
That I hardly had a chance to enjoy the WHOLE thing
MAN!!
AT least this once I DID.
I really have to TREASURE IT

I must say that God really plans everything for me
It seems that everything being preached boils down to
WORSHIPPING God even through PROBLEMS!
Even when you know that U are about to go MAD over them.
You must seek peace from God.
And JOY.
i really need that.
I am hardly HAPPY since the start of the YEAR.
Not a good START
HAHAHA

SUNDAY was WOW WOW WOW!!
I got to come CHURCH EARLY!!
LIKE one SUNDAY!
OH MY GOSH!!
UNBELIEVABLE.
WORSHIP is SUPER AWESOME

OH OH!!
THE taxi FARE
I must remember to return MONEY!!
AHHH
I feel so BAD for not PAYING at all!!
HAHAHAH
OWN $$$ PAY $$$
a reminder for MYSELF

AHAHAHAHA
I got a lot of stuff from MALAYSIA!!
BUT the best was THIS!!
(:(:(:(: SO SMALL AND ADORABLE

HAHAHA!!
LIKE no BIG DEAL RIGHT!!
OKAY FINE.
HAHAHA compare and CONTRAST

That's my pit!! HHAHAH
LOOK AT THE SIZE!!
OH MY!!!

NOW for the REAL ONE!!
HAHAHHA
can u even SEE the tiny one?
HAHAHAHA
my GUITAR looks so GORGEOUS here!
HAHAHAHAH

HAHAHA
My parents bought that KEYCHAIN for me
But I will not even take it out?
SO FRAGILE.
I was PRETTY SHOCKED
I thought they were against me playing GUITAR!!
HAAHAHAHAH
But they bought that for ME!!
OH MY!!
I am melting!!
I LOVE IT!!

THIS IS LIPING!!
GREEDY!! Take TWO DRINKS
HHAHAHAH

May have SERVICE TOMORROW
I mean CIP!!
SO I think I should REST!!
I always SLEEP SO LATE!!
yesterday only have 5 hrs of SLEEP last night.
HHHAHAHAH
OFF to do TAWG!!
(:(:(:
SWEET DREAMS!!

I wish I can continue to wish
But I know it is pretty hopeless.
Now I really wish that you can just break my heart once and for all
to stop me from dreaming
just break my heart as hard as possible
just let it break
so I will wake up
And I can move on
I can start picking up the pieces and move on
I dun like to be hanging there
But I dun want to make the first move.
I fear rejection.
dun everyone fear that too.

THAT SWEET MOMENT.
THEY SEEM TO BELONG IN THEIR OWN BUBBLE
AND EVERYONE SEEMS TO NOT EXIST
THEY DUN EVEN SEEM TO REALISE
THAT THEY WERE IN THE SPOTLIGHT
IT WAS JUST HER AND HIM
HER JOKING AND HIS PRETENDING
THEY JUST MATCH
THEY DID NOT NEED TO PRETEND
THEY DUN NEED TO TRY TO COMMUNICATE
EVERYTHING JUST WORKED OUT FOR THEM
EVEN WHEN I KNOW ONLY ONE SIDE OF THE STORY
I KNOW THAT THEY ARE QUITE TO PLEASE WITH ONE ANOTHER
THEY DUN NEED OTHERS TO START A CONVERSION
unlike me
THEY JUST NEED EACH OTHER
THEIR LAUGHTER FILLED ME
makes me wonder
i HOPE THAT THEY WILL LAST FOREVER.

I wish this happened to me
But I just know I dun have the guts to do SO
I am just too fearful.
I just keep on thinking
and by the time I finished.
I already missed the chance
Why cant I treat everything normally?
Why do I think SO MUCH?
Maybe that is just ME.

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AWESOME WEEKEND

Friday, March 13, 200910:53:00 PM

HAHHA!!
AWESOME!!
Today marks the start of the HOLIDAY!
How GREAT?
I had CCA and TUITION to rush for
WORST thing is that they are so PACKED together
So I have to RUSH from one place to another!!
TIRING!!!
HAHAH
but I can finally rest
It is so annoying!!
JOY and YOGES planned to play badminton
HAHAHA
when did we become so SPORTY!
HAHAHAHA
But I guess in the end they went to play
BASKETBALL with the BEDOK PEOPLE!
WHILE I was in TUITION
how AWESOME????!!
By the time, I come back
They already finished already
JOY and YOGES walking back already can?
LIKE what
I wanted to follow them go buy BUBBLE TEA
but my DAD came back
SO YES
I cant GO

Today and YESTERDAY was LMS day
We had to do stuff ONLINE
hahahaha
We got even MORE HW in the end!!
But nvm
PRACTICE make PERFECT
Today also have CCA
so not really considered LMS day.
SOOOOOOO
what a GREAT FRIDAY?

HAHAHAH
it is going to be 2am
And i am still here!!
HAHAAHAH
tomorrow need to go school at
10.45am
OH MAN!!
BUT there is CHURCH TOMORROW!!
AND I have no TUITION
the feeling ROCKS!!!
AWESOME
(:

Can you promise me to always stay where I can see you?
Then at least I will not need to think of you all the time.

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personality test

Monday, March 9, 200911:53:00 PM

It is a little like yours Amanda.

but the differences are REALLY very TRUE!!!

HAHAHH (:

Your view on yourself:

You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You like serious, smart and determined people. You don't judge a book by its cover, so good-looking people aren't necessarily your style. This makes you an attractive person in many people's eyes.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Here another one!!
IT SO MAKE SENSE!!

Here is the analysis:

You desire a love that will last forever. You are quite serious about finding this type of love, and that's why you think carefully about the men that you meet before deciding whether you could really love them. You don't just develop a crush on someone overnight: you look at a person's personality and other aspects of their life before deciding to form an attachment. If a guy doesn't meet your expectations, you would rather be alone. Your love has to be perfect. Be careful though, you could be missing out on some worthy relationships because your standards are so high.

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In love with SUNSETS

6:23:00 PM

Well, this is the last week
before the March Holidays. But seriously, there is no EXCITEMENT in my nerves.
I am feeling NOTHING.
My parents going MALAYSIA without me.
HAHAHA
Not like I am interested to go anyway.
HAHAHAHA
Saturday is always AWESOME
but last sat is only OKAY.
I cannot mix both feelings in
I think that is not FAIR
So I can only say I only came in at
like 6.45 or 50
So I practically MISSED everything.
I came in and they like already ended.
So I just try to fit like I can.

We had our dinner at the HAWKER CENTRE.
We are far too POOR
I guess.
HAHAHAHAHA.
There were very little BEDOK people that day.
I think most of them having meeting
so only 4 of us went home.
AND we were also EARLY.
NOT VERY AWESOME.

Sunday.
... ... ... ... ...
woke up very LATE.
Been waking up early for ALOT of days
So wanted to rest a bit.
My nose was STUCK.
CRAP.
I hate to sleep with stuck NOSE.
I dun even think I was sleeping.

Today.
I was quite energised.
I didn't dare to sleep.
OHH YA.
Must print my plan out later.
OHH.
got HW to do.
HAHAHAH
BIO and EMATH
SADNESS.

Wednesday have Chinese Orals!!
NOT LOVING IT!!
HAHHAHAHAH
But thursday and friday is LMS day!!
AWESOME.
CAN stay at HOME
and have school ONLINE!!
HAHAHAHA
BUT I think there will be TONS of hw!!
NVM!!
At least can wake up LATE!
GOOD ENOUGH!!
HAHHHH (:

Here are some UGLY and RETARTED photo,
we took

I really wonder what LIPING was doing?

Me and YOGES PLAYING

OUR BREAK TIME!!
I look DISGUSTED!!!
OH MAN!! :(

I think SQUASH is a GOOD exercise!!
Cause at the end of the DAY.
OUR back is more pain than our LEGS
We just kept on picking up BALLS
but in the end, can at least play abit!!
AWESOME! (:(:

LIPING looks SCARY!! HAHAH

I look like I am GOING TO FIGHT!!!

I am too UGLY!!
so I need to hide behind the RACKET!!

WE were REALLY HUNGRY!! HAHAHA (:

Joy RUSHED back to appear in this shot.

ME!! I look so PRO!! HAHA

YOGES STONING!! HAAHA (:

OKAY!!
JOY and LIPING just TOOK my phone to take this SHOT!!
NO WONDER SO BLUR!!
HAHAHAH!!

I could sense that something was MISSING.
I searched the place wishing for traces of you. I found nothing. It was then I realised. you already vanish from my memories.
I really wanted to SMILE and pretend.
It is getting easier to pretend and
hide my feelings NOW OF DAYS.

But I know that some things is
NEVER GOING TO CHANGE.
I comfort MYSELF.
I told myself, let this be the last.
Let this be the last time
I hold you back.
The next time I will let go.
or I must let go.
I must end it.
I have to.

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Memories that will be graved in me

Friday, March 6, 200911:06:00 PM

I know I have not been BLOGGING!!
I really dun have the TIME
And maybe cause I am FAR too LAZY!!
HAHAHA

Well
Let's start on MONDAY then!!
Nothing much on MONDAY!
except that I got a lot of CA papers BACK!!!
FREAK me OUT!!
YES
My results are WORST than last year's!
THAT's BAD!!
OKAY!

WEEK DAYS are BORING!
I dun want to talk about it ANYMORE!!
HAHAHA

OHH
Thursday went to the career 2009 thing
It was QUITE interesting!!
saw a lot of HEALTHCARE stuff!!
I LIKE (:(:
HAHAHA
I was like taking every brochure I can FIND!!
And JOY was like?
WEDDING PLANNER!!
HAHAAHAH
I dun think she took anything la??
EMPTY HANDED I must SAY??
I was like some 'diligent' student
desperately grabbing whatever I can find
HHAHHAHAAH weird

Guides TODAY!!
VERY TIRED!!
as usual...
HAHAHAH
(:

Tomorrow have CHURCH!
Cant WAIT!!
WAS actually supposed to meet
YOGES, LIPING and JOY go play SQUASH
WE ARE VERY HEALTHY PEOPLE!!
But then I REALISED that
I AM CLOSE TO 4 MONTHS
BEFORE MY PRELIMS!!!
AHHHHH!!!!
I was QUITE retarted!!
I counted to 'O's
SO it was 7-8months
and then I was wondering
why my friend was PANIC-ing!!!
NOW I KNOW!!
CAUSE I HAVE BEEN COUNTING WRONGLY!
no wonder my MATHS fail!
hahaha
SO in the end!
I am just going to stay at home la
maybe I can go!!
SINCE I just realised that
I am not going out on SUNDAY
since my PLAN with SAM
was RUINED!!
HAHAHAHHAHAHA
so can maybe study on SUNDAY
OHH
I also need to BUY
BIO NOTES and
A and Emath practice books with worked solutions
HAHAHAHA

Now on to the PHOTOS!!
HAHAH (:

HAHAH!!
This is the MOST RECENT!!
ON monday!
Went CIP at Tampines Service Centre
Took this RETARTED PHOTO while waiting for FOOD!
HUNGRY PEOPLE sometimes cant think
PROPERLY!!

This are the PHOTOS we took at
YOGES, LIPING, NICOLE, JOY, YONG HUI,
RAY, GERALD, JOSHUA, GABRIEL
and GENEVIENE ( not sure the SPELLING)
WATER BAPTISM!!!
Actually I told all of them that I am not going
CAUSE I was SCARED I cant TAKE it
But I was thinking that I should so and FACE it!!
So in the end,
I made it like a SURPRISE!!
I just POPPED in and SAY HELLO!!
HAHAHAHAH
And so I did that..
AND...
JOY was so SHOCKED that She cried like CRAZY!!!
HAHAAHAH
OHH. JOY!
AWWWW!
HAHHAAHAH