love the way you smile (:

Lost my sense of HAPPINESS

Thursday, February 19, 20096:13:00 PM

I want a new begininning
Everything seems like a mess NOW
I dun know what to SAY
Things just dun WORK out the way I thought it will
DISASTER

Is that awkward SILENCE
I am afraid of it!!
I just dun feel RIGHT
I feel ODD
like something is very WEIRD or DIFFERENT
that's when laughter become FAKE.
SMILES lost its meaning
Nothing is HAPPENING right!!
I dun even know how to continue!
I dunno whether I am allowed to be happy?
The THINGS inside me are bursting out
I been stopping them
Cause I dun want to HURT anyone
I dun want them to feel what I felt
It was BAD and HEARTBREAKING
What can I say?
I am SORRY!
I dunno what to do?
It is annoying for me too!!
I have lost my sense of HAPPINESS
I cant feel it NOW?

I use to have SO MUCH of it!!
I used to LOOK forward to THURSDAY
I used to have this HAPPINESS
that nothing can describe or STOP IT
OR BREAK it.
I used to play TENNIS for u
I still keep all this PHOTOS
i dunno why?
Not like it will make me HAPPY
actually It made me WORST.
But I properly TOOK and KEPT it
cause I know u were there.
and u will FOREVER be there in the BACKGROUD.
I just know it.

It's been ALMOST a year NOW.
I know where u are
BUT in just 9 more months
I will never be able to FIND you
ANYMORE.

FATE LESS
one word!
that can explain I feel just now
I admitted it MYSELF
cause i know!
AND I am too TIRED to CHANGE that FACT
I am going to LEAVE it ALONE
I dun want to WASTE my time on it ANYMORE
It do me NO GOOD!
AT ALL?
AT ALL

I am holding to the last branch of a tree
if it falls,
I know for sure
I will fall with it.

Lord
I hate change.
I really dun
I know u want me to get out of my comfort zone
I am trying
everything is happening too fast
I can hardly find a steady spot to land on
I know there are plenty of problems coming my way
I know I will not be able to withstand all of them ALONE
But Lord,
I put my truth in You
With You, everything is possible
You will scare those problems away
Amen.

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