love the way you smile (:

I want to be STRONGER

Sunday, February 1, 200912:29:00 AM

I want to be stronger.
I want to overcome.
I thought I could handle things already!
I thought I am strong enough
GUESS it was not I wanted

WELL.
Today started FINE
What else can I say?
Went to parkway with AVELINE and JOY
to BUY presents!!
YAY!!!
We spend most of the time trying to contact
AMANDA (:
hahahahahaahaha
I think we called almost everyone having band practice
CRAP
hahahahahaha
then YUPP!!
WENT to church
YAY!!
finally after 12 DAYS!
went to see with all the aunts
and talk about LAME stuff
FRIES plastic bags?
hahahaaha
SUPER FUNNY!!!!
hahahaahahaha
I laugh till I have a tummy ache!!!
SUPER RETARTED
Hmm.
dunno who said I very FREE???
hahaha
I am so NOT lor!!
I was thinking of a reply
but it too so LONG
hahahha
so in the end,
just WAVE lor!!
hahahahahahaha
then MORE lame JOKES!!!!
after that DRAGGED my feet to my TUITION
EARLY
for once!!
AMAZING!!
BLAH BLAH BLAH
... ... ...
CAME back.
at around 6.45??
the teacher OVERSHORT the timing
hmm.
the timing i came in was PRETTY weird?
everyone was already at the altar praying
should have came in EARLIER!!!
so all I can do
was to sit there like a DUMBIE!
and pray on my own
only till the songs then I joined in!!
OHH
I must thank TRACY for praying for me!!
SONGs was AWESOME
I think I dun know alot of songs already?
that's BAD!
then valentine's STUFF!!
I already PLANNED what to WEAR
MY FLORAL DRESS!!
YES!
LOVE IT.
then PASTOR KENNY started giving the forms
for WATER BAPTISM
that's when the devil got hold of me
I couldn't fight back
it STRIKE me
why I dun have a sheet?
why cant I go?
why they can?
the forms suddenly seem to
fly past my eyes here and there
I couldn't take it!
SO I ran to the toilet.
and YA
dun need to explain that
it happened a few times

it seems like everything is alright
then when the troubles surfaces
that's when there is a test of strength
this time
its ANGER
it was bursting out my head
I hate it!!
It makes it hard for me to THINK
why are the problems coming one by one
why cant I overcome it
I dun want to cry in church anymore.
then I rather save my tears and not even COME
it seems only in church
I will be so sad
I really feel like not coming at all
maybe I will feel better
I will not see the forms
hear the word sunday service, ministry
think of water baptism
remind myself of my life
but there are still things
that is bringing me back in
I dunno how long will they last
once they fade, i will fade with them

the problems are appearing one by one
I must fight BACK!!
but sometimes
the problems wins
I will lose
I dun wan that to happen anymore
I will take my encouraging notes
and WHACK the problems!!!!
hahahahaahah

AMANDA MUMMY rocks!!
hahahahah
she is really like my mummy.
she knows when I am going to
like BURST
she was my portable encouraging notes
cause i didn't bring them today
she walked me all the way to the BUS STOP
and think without her encouragement just now
I think i would have just walk to
the front of the bus
and kill myself
hahahhaha
JUST JOKING
I am not so DUMB
ANGER is SIN!
smile JOLENE
CHILL PILL!!
HAHAHAHAAH

Lord,
make me stronger.
I want to withstand all this.
But my own strength is NOTHING
I keep on falling but I will stand up again
I want to be stronger emotionally
Amen

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